Shouted accusations filled his tempestuous mind as he tossed and turned in bed, twisting the bed sheets into a tight ball. His red eyes opened as he sat up slowly and ruffled his hair in frustration, staring at the walls. The ever-so-bleak walls that always seemed to enclose him from everything… pushing him to a corner..
“Fuck this.”
Zavius pushed himself against the wall and cautiously brought his knees up to meet his chest, afraid that one of them many freshly healed wounds on his legs would open again and paint his limbs with red. He stared at one of them as he began to trace the laceration in wonderment as he thought of the ruins that his life was.
His eyes adjusted to the darkness as he buried his head into his crossed arms and began crying the tears that were no longer unfamiliar to him, but only muffled sobs could escape his being. Guilt ate away at him as he drowned in denial and selfishness. He felt sorry for himself, the pathetic heap of broken feelings he was.
“Love is like a sin for the one that feels it the most, huh?” he sighed as he covered himself with a blanket, not being able to feel the warmth it offered. He stretched slowly and lied on the bed, his head hitting the pillow as sleep tried to consume him, but failed yet again. He ripped the blanket off of him and stood up in the darkness and took a hooded jacket from the unkempt pile of clothes near his bed and putting it on, he treaded gingerly out of his apartment and into the cold night air.
–
The moon hung in the night sky, draped by the many twinkling stars. Zavius was sitting on a park bench and shivering from the cold that bit through his flesh and into his bones.
“Damn… I should have changed out of my shorts..”
He gave a sigh and looked up. He counted the stars repeatedly, like that was his life’s purpose. Still shivering from the cold, he looked around. The park was covered in a blanket of darkness, and the street lamps hardly did anything to expel it. Lively as it was in the day, the place was a ghost town when dusk fell. He brought his legs up onto the bench and began to cry into his arms again.
“Reminiscence is such a bitter thing..” he sobbed.
“It sure is.”
Zavius looked up, his eyes scanning the darkness for the person which spoke.
“Who’s.. there..?”
“Can’t you recognise my voice Zavius?”
A figure with dark blue hair emerged from the darkness and into the dim illumination of a street lamp. Ayden’s normally frowning mouth cracked into a slight smile as he walked, hands in his pockets, towards Zavius.
“What are you doing here, Zavie? Hmm?” questioned Ayden, with a hint of satisfaction in his tone.
‘N-nothing.. just- gah!” Zavius winced in pain and felt the sensation of liquid running down his leg after. He scooped up the fluid with his fingers and looked at it in the light, noticing that it was bright red.
“Are you okay? Zavius why are you bleeding?” Ayden walked noiselessly towards him, concern marked on his visage. Dreaded realisation diminished the concern as he looked at Zavius’ scarred legs, kneeling down and pressing his scarf on the cut to stem the flow of blood.
“Have you been cutting yourself again..?”
“..I’m sorry Ayden, I really am.. I just can’t take it anymore..”
Ayden shook his head and pressed harder on the wound, desperate to stop the bleeding. Zavius looked at him, a blush spreading across his cheeks, feelings of admiration and attraction filling his system.
“There, that should do it.” said Ayden, looking up at Zavius with another smile escaping from his being.
The black haired boy quickly looked away in embarrassment, hoping that Ayden did not see his face turning red. Ayden smirked and sat up next to him, stroking Zavius’ cheek.
“And why is my Zavie blushing, hmm?” chuckled Ayden.
“Mmnm.. nothing..” murmured Zavius.
“Naww, you got a secret you’re not telling me.”
“Stop it Ayden..” Zavius blushed hotly this time.
“I’m not going to until you tell me.”
“But..”
“But wha-”
The last of Ayden’s question escaped his lips as he felt Zavius’ head on his shoulder. Ayden looked at him with wide eyes. Zavius looked up as his red orbs sparkled with fresh tears, his face even redder.
“C-can I stay like this.. for awhile?”
“Sure Zavie.. but shouldn’t you tell me what’s wrong?”
Zavius nuzzled into Ayden’s neck as tears ran down his cheeks. Ayden caressed his hair and put an arm around him and stretched, looking up. He admired the pristine night sky, the moon that shone brightly, the stars that sparkled.
“See those stars Zavius? They’re twinkling for-”
“Ayden, don’t even start with the cheesy lines, thanks.”
Ayden chuckled as Zavius grinned a little, blushing even harder. His blue haired friend could even sense the heat radiating from his face. Zavius looked up at Ayden as he peeled himself off him and sat up straight, knocking his knees together and looking at them.
“Well.. the nightmares have been coming back again..”
“Zavie.. what’s done is done, there’s no use thinking and crying over them..”
“I know.. but I can’t help it, I promised Zavier that we would always be together.. but I killed him and left him in Minakami.. I feel so sick of myself.. I shouldn’t even be alive, I should be with him in the Abyss, at least we would be together in death..”
“See? There you go again. This is why I told you not think of it, it’ll just hurt you, and I don’t want you to cut yourself ever again, okay?”
“Okay.. I’ll try to get over it but.. there’s something else..”
Ayden turned and looked at him in confusion, cocking an eyebrow upwards. Zavius looked at him as yet another blush escaped him.
“I-”
“You like me, don’t you?”
He turned at Ayden in shock and gave a small nod.
“Ah, I figured.”
“But how did you k-”
“Normal friends don’t nuzzle into each other’s necks do they? Neither do they meet each other in a park in the dead of the night and start cuddling on a random bench. It’s quite obvious actually, silly.”
Zavius did not reply. He just stared at his fingers, flexing them repeatedly so as to avoid looking at Ayden, his already red face becoming redder, tears leaving wet trails on his cheeks.
“But.. I know you’re feeling guilty because of it.”
“Why do you know everything about me?”
“Because I’m your best friend, duh.”
“Oh right..”
“Anyway, you’re feeling guilty because you promised Zavier you wouldn’t leave him, and if you like me its like an insult to his memory, am I right?”
“Yeah..”
“Silly.”
Ayden gave Zavius’ shoulder a light punch and smiled. Zavius shook his head and continued the act of staring at his flexing fingers.
“Listen to me Zavie, I’m sure that wherever Zavier is right now, he’d be happy for you. He wouldn’t want his older brother to feel the burden. The burden of being tied down to someone who’s dead, anyway. Zavier wouldn’t hate you for it. I mean, you’re his older brother, his shield for life. He would understand. You did your job of protecting him, and now its time to let go.”
“But I killed him-”
“You did not. I know I’m still fuzzy with the details, but didn’t that Sae person control you when you did that?”
“Yes but I could have resiste-”
“You could, but you weren’t strong enough to.”
Tears flowed from his already-rubbed-raw eyes again. Zavius sniffed and wiped his tears away.
“Ayden.. I.. l-love you..”
“Aw c’mon Zavie, that’s so sappy.”
“But-”
“I love you too.”
Ayden patted Zavius’ head as he stood up and began walking away. Zavius looked up in elated realisation and chased after Ayden, wiping his face again and hugging him from behind.
“Promise me you’ll never leave me, Ayden?”
“I… promise, okay? We’ll be like twin brothers only that I don’t look like you and we’d probably be kissing and hugging and all that stuff.”
Zavius smiled and hugged Ayden tighter. Ayden took Zavius’ head under his arm and began ruffling his hair and pinched his nose. The two chuckled as they said their goodbyes and each heading in the opposite direction, Zavius finally being able to rid himself of the guilt that haunted his every thought.
As they walked away, a solitary red butterfly materialised and fluttered joyously.
