Nostalgia

They once said that twins were a product of a soul that was split in half, never to be separated. If so, why did you leave me, Zavie? Why were you so selfish? We promised, remember?

It all started when we were born, identical twins, crying desperately for freedom. You came into this world first, Zavie, I could remember that moment. Taking pity on your weak state, I let you enter the world first. When my head popped out, I saw you being wheeled off by the strange people in their immaculate white uniforms. Mother’s face was contorted with relief, happiness and extreme pain. She shuddered suddenly and closed her eyes, and before I knew it I was being wheeled off to the same room as you. That was when I last saw Mother.

When you were three you contracted asthma. You were chasing me while I was taunting you. You asked me to stop, but I ignored you. Little did I know, I would cause you pain by doing this. The next thing I knew was that I was shaking your arm in a panicked state while you kept coughing up blood. I cried as I held you by the hand and brought you home, where Dad would bring you to the doctor. I was foolish back then, I thought you were going to die. I kept apologizing, but every ‘sorry’ was met with a smile that said ‘I’ll be alright’. That was when I first fell in love, with you, of course.

Our teenage years were peppered with angst, melodrama, lies, trauma and pain. We were close, until the day a girl confessed to you. Claire Brownington, was it? I hated that girl, because she caused you to drift further and further away from me. Countless nights were spend with me sitting at the windowsill crying and hating myself for not being good enough for you. Ever so often I would admire your slumbering form, your beautiful face accentuated by the moonlight. Narcissistic as it sounds, it was as if I was praising myself. I would sneak into your bed, and cuddle with you until sleep consumed me.

The Valentine’s Day on our fourteenth year alive was the day that changed my life. I still remember it, you waking me up bright and early just to get me to buy you a present. I walked home happily, only to find you weeping on the floor because that yucky girl dumped you. I comforted you and before I knew it I confessed my feelings and shared my first kiss with you. You returned my love, and it blossomed.

Soon after, we had our first tryst. At first, it was an innocent peck on the lips, which then turned into a lust-filled kiss. Our hormones took over from there. You overwhelmed me, while I purred into ecstasy. You kept biting me at the most sensitive places, knowing what a masochist I am. I screamed lusty screams as you continued to tease my body. I could not take it anymore, and I fought with you over who should be the dominant one. You succumbed to my wanton moans and I took over. Licking you everywhere I deemed worthy of my tongue, you soon had your first orgasm. I wanted mine too, so I hastily inserted myself into you and proceeded to pleasure the both of us. Pressure built inside of me, and soon I got what I wanted. We screamed in unison, both moaning one another’s name. Exhaustion soon took its toll, and we fell into a beautiful slumber, each of us moaning each other’s name in our sleep.

Then we had many more ventures, me being the dominant one, of course. The marks and bites on our identical bodies is proof of this, and we loved each other more. But why, Zavie, why did you have to leave me?

The pain was unbearable. At seventeen, I released my hands from your neck, dumbfounded at what I did. I killed you under the influence of Sae, who wanted to complete the Crimson Sacrifice. My warm tears cascaded down my cheeks and onto your once-heaving chest. ‘I’m so sorry..’ I said, but you ignored me as you were thrown down the Abyss. I called you more than once, hoping that you would come back. You did, but in the form of a crimson butterfly. I chased after you, not wanting to let you go. Somehow, you kept evading me. You stopped at the top of the hill, only to look back at me and say that you loved me, and would do so forever. You grazed my finger as a goodbye, and then you were gone

The wave of nostalgia that overwhelmed me when you disappeared was too much, and I collapse on the ground in a sobbing heap. I missed the good times and I wanted you to be back to create more memories with me.

Ephemeral stars twinkled when I trudged home. I went back to the hospital where we were born the next day, and remembering our whole life, I silently weeped and prayed that you would at least be happy.

Zavie, I miss you.